夜道で見つけた親切美女に即土下座ナンパ016wwwwwwww
Title: “A Night of Naughty NNN: A pitchers near miss tale”
The crisp night air nipped at my nose as I stumbled down the lightly trafficked road, my mind fuzzy from the copious amounts of alcohol I had consumed earlier at the bar. I knew I shouldn’t drive in my current state, so I decided to walk home, believing the cool breeze would sober me up.
Suddenly, my blurred vision caught sight of a vague silhouette in the distance. As I drew closer, I could make out the shape of a woman in a tight mini skirt and low-cut top. Her large breasts jiggled as she walked, straining against the fabric of her top. I rubbed my bleary eyes and blinked hard, unable to believe my luck. It was as if my drunken mind had conjured up the perfect bachelorette girl of my dreams right there in the middle of nowhere.
“Excuse me, miss!” I called out to her.
The woman turned and looked at me, her perfect lips curled into a seductive smile. “Hey there, handsome,” she purred. “Looks like you could use some company.” She sashayed over to me, her hips swaying with each step.
“I, uh, I’m not sure you want to be seen with a drunk mess like me,” I stammered, embarrassed by my clunky, alcohol-induced enunciation. Yet, the buzz of liquor seemed to embolden me and any inhibitions that would have normally prevented me from these poorly-conceived interactions. The charming stranger chuckled, a sound like tinkling bells that made my head swim.
“Oh, sweetie, I’m not one of your stuck-up prisses,” she said, her voice dripping like honey. She licked her lips, her tongue snaking out to jab at a smudge of lipstick at the corner of her mouth. “I know how to have fun. In fact, I was just thinking I could use a little excitement tonight,” she said, her eyes twinkling mischievously.
My heart thundered in my chest as the woman reached out and traced a finger down the front of my shirt, her touch electric. “I’m sure we can figure out some way for me to repay your kindness,” she said with a wink, her hand drifting lower until her fingers snaked under my belt buckle and gave a tiny tug.
Suddenly, I felt dizzy, the ground tilting beneath my feet. A wave of nausea crashed through my system, and I doubled over, retching violently. To my utmost horror and shame, I vomited all over the expensive leather shoes and polished toes of my would-be nubile companion. She leapt back with a screech of disgust, her face contorting in revulsion.
“Aw, f—!” she blurted out, clearly flabbergasted. She stomped her foot in a fit of pique, spraying bits of regurgitated whiskey and ill-advised nachos with each step. “I can’t believe you just barfed on my new shoes! These cost like, a week’s pay!”
“I-I’m so sorry!” I sputtered, wiping my dribbling chin with the back of my hand. “I have no idea what came over me!” Tears of humiliation stung at the corners of my eyes. I wanted to sink into the pavement and disappear,cked me with a final, disgusted look. Her sexy sheath dress, dynamically short mini skirt and low cut top emphasizing every curve of her buxom body as she watched me with green eyes flaring wide.
I staggered towards her, half convinced she’d change her mind if only I apologized in the right combination of words and gestures. Then, in a dizzy blur, she turned on her spiked heels and stomped away, enraged and revolted. Her blazing temper had switched as rapidly as my luck soured.
“Stupid drunk!” she shrieked, launching into the night, her hips still swaying. “I should report you for harassment! If I never see you again it’s too soon!” She continued ranting, oblivious to the band instrument sticking out of my back pocket: all evidence that countered her claims of drunken assault would soon rest in my hands.
I stood in a daze until she disappeared from sight. Only then did the impact of the experience hit me. I stuffed my hands deep into the pockets of my jacket and shuffled onward, the cool asphalt unforgiving. My great feather of picking up a beautiful lady had turned into a major cock-up that left not only my boots, but also my ego, in absolute disrepair. I had no choice but to soldier on in silence, praying that the woman wouldn’t make good on her threat of reporting me for harassment.
When I finally got home, I locked myself inside and collapsed on the bed. My mind replayed the night’s events on a loop, until I was laughing so hard that I was crying. If I never saw that woman again, it would be too soon – but the memory of her tantrum would be a source of amusement for years to come. Just another drunken misadventure I could look back on and laugh about. Until the next time.
