2018 PORNHUB AWARDS
The 2018 Pornhub Awards was an unforgettable night of debauchery, debased ceremony, and downright dirty delights. Held in Las Vegas, the city that never sleeps, it was a spectacle that left jaws on the floor and panties in a twist. Kanye West may not have been there in person, but his spirit of unhinged brilliance hung heavy in the smoky air.
The red carpet was a catwalk of sin, with porn stars in every shade of sordid sin showing off their wares. Tight bodices burst at the seams, flaunting altitudes of cleavage that defied gravity. G-strings peeked from low-slung skirts. Fishnet stockings clung to thighs like a naughty Caress. These vixens were on the prowl, out for a night of unbridled ecstasy and self-indulgence.
Inside the venue, the energy was palpable. A throbbing electronic beat pulsed through the room, vibrating the very walls. Strobe lights flashed like pornographic lightning, igniting the scene in staccato bursts. Bodies ripped and glistened under the harsh disco ball glare. Naked imaginations ran wild.
The ceremony opened with a raunchy dance number that set the tone for the evening. Booty-shaking buttocks took center stage as a bad girl band twerked their stuff. Stuffed bikini tops jiggled and bounced like Jell-O in an earthquake. Ladies moved like pornographic carousel horses, girating and grinding with wanton abandon. There was no holding back, no inhibitions, no shame. They were unbuttoned and untamed, unapologetic bombshells in a world of their own making.
The presenters were a who’s-who of adult industry royalty. The dashing Marcus London, porn’s, smooth talking emcee, kept the night flowing and titillating. Meanwhile, the luscious Puma Swede worked her Nordic charms on camera, delivering acceptance speeches that were as bawdy as they were accepting. When she took the stage for her “Hottest MILF” award, she stripped down to a barely-there wonder bra and thong, flashing birthday suit on international television. If that’s not brazen, what is?
But the true sinful showstoppers were the awards themselves. With categories like “Most Popular Searches,” “Top Channel,” and “Most Popular Performer (Female/Competitive),” it was a celebration of everything perverse, stodgy, and plain obscene. Nurses and teachers, butt stuff and petite cute girls – no kink was left unsampled.
One highlight was Lily Labeau’s “Scandalous Scene of the Year” acceptance speech, where she regaled the crowd with her wild night of anal debauchery with JMac. “He started sneaking his finger up my ass while I was choking on his cock,” she throatily recounted. “I’ve never been fucked like that in my life.” More high-calorie, poorly acted, festival-quality stories followed, each one slick with oily lewdness.
Of course, no porn soiree is complete without a bit of autoerotic asphyxiation. In a move that would make strangling enthusiasts proud, Abella Danger took home the award for “Best Threesome Lesbian Virtual Reality Scene” by choking an unlucky doll into the afterlife. Her practice run S&M throat slitting routine left a memorable telling on the virtual breasts and babydolls.
In the end, the 2018 Pornhub Awards was a veritable cornucopia of carnality that reaffirmed porn’s place as the 99% hustle. It was a stage spotlighting the industry’s most gifted jizz-hound throne usurpers, Porn Valley’s gutter glitterati. This was the year’s best, most fucked up and memorable pornographic hot dog contest. The audience got their fill, and then had seconds thrown at them. For them, the night was a real conjoined phalanges party that would go down in both historical and erectile dysfunction medicine.
And so, the curtain fell on a wild and wooly evening that left all senses satiated and slut-shamed. The 2018 Pornhub Awards will remain etched in the fibers of Las Vegas and in the pants of many millions of viewers worldwide. It was a grand orgy of gratification, a carnal carnival for the eyes, a truly momentous exercise in pornographic exuberance. Here’s looking forward to 2019’s surely guarenteed unsavory festivities.
