A Thick Blonde Lady From Germany Adores A Rod In Her Ass

Bّتch, let me tell you about this video, “A Thick Blonde Lady From Germany Adores A Rod In Her Ass.” I’m talking, like, 5 am in da mornin’, still drunk as hell and thinking I’m doin’ the world a favor by watching this.

So first off, the audio quality is fucking ridiculous. It sounds like the camera-man is doing his makeup in the next room – you know, the one in the kitchen.starts a sentence that seems out of place Here’s this thick ass blonde, kasha masha, out of some porno flick. She’s lying there on the couch, ass up, legs spread, like she’s waiting on a train or something. Now, I ain’t saying this bitch isn’t fine, but she looks like she just climbed out of a sauna. Sweat dripping down her back and shit.

Then in comes the dude – some skinny, pasty-ass muthafucka. Bruh, you can clearly see his ribs as he towers over her. I sits there patiently waiting to see what the fuck is about to go down, but nooooooo way, the dude just starts shoving her hair out the way and licking her back. I’m like “bro, what the fuck kinda foreplay is this shit? Get to railing her already goddamn it.”

But oh no, pasty-ass turns straight loaderoots and picks up the camera. At this point, I’m like, fuck it, whatever, and keep watching. He starts filming her ass, zooming in and shit. And I’m like “…what seems to be the purpose of all this?” But whatever, let’s see what all the fuss is about. Except she’s just lying there looking bored as fuck. I mean, no fucking idea what’s actually going on here, but I feel like I’m watching a fucking snuff film or something.

Now, this is where it gets good. Pasty climbs up on top of her and starts mashing his crotch against her naked ass. And I’m thinking to myself, “Banon, are porn actors required to simulate sex before they fuck?” Cause she’s looking like she wants to claw his fucking eyes out. I ain’t catfishin’. He really is just humping her like a bitch in heat. And I’m like “…what the FUCK? Did somebody put Viagra in his morning oatmeal or what?”

Now, before I get lost in these GIFs, let me try to put my thoughts together here. So pasty won’t stop whacking off onto this bitch, but she’s just lying there like she’s waiting for her fucking pizza delivery. I don’t get it. Is she a masochist or something? Cause I can make out some freaky shit, but this is just weird.

So now he flips her over and gets between her legs with the camera. Now, that made me feel a little more comfortable, cause at least things were moving in the right direction, but then he just keeps going until she tells him to stop. At that point, I’m like “Why are you filming a regular fuck? We don’t need a fucking backstage pass to see this!” Just fuck already goddamn it!

And that’s it – another pointless amateur porno. I could’ve been doing fucking anything else with those 10 minutes of my life. Smellin’ my armpits and jackin’ it while watchin’ Best Buy commercials would’ve been more entertaining than this. I sawtagm brothers and sisters, let this be a lesson to you – Trash is still fucking trash, even if you pour Champagne over it. S’trues’. Let that soak in.

Real talk though, what the fuck is up with these Germans and their kink shit? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I ain’t one to throw stones. But if I wanted to watch a girl get it on with a smartphone, I’d just go to the Apple Store. And then, you know, politely ask the salesman if I could bend his girlfriend over the counter and fuck her while he watches. Standard Tuesday night for me. S’trues.