Absolutely the Greatest and Longest Squirt Ever. Unbelievable.
“Prepare yourself for a mind-blowing spectacle of epic proportions!” quipped the busty blonde MC, her plump breasts threatening to spill out of her sequined gown with each breathless exclamation. “Behold – the grand finale, the piece de resistance, the crowning achievement in the history of adult entertainment: THE LONGEST, HUGEST, MOST EPIC SQUIRT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN! Get ready to have your jaws drop, your minds blown, and your pants… well, you get the idea!”
Under the blinding glare of the stage lights, the headliner strutted out, all toned abs and flowing raven locks, her glistening pussy on full display – not a stitch of clothing to be found. A hush fell over the audience as anticipation thickened the salty air. This was it. The moment they had all been waiting for. Tickets had sold out in mere minutes, rumors of her mythic sexual prowess preceding her like a gilded Locomot(Pussy?).
Taking center stage, she turned to face the crowd, a coquettish smile playing at the corners of her glossed lips. Not a betwixted eyebrow was raised; not a raised eyebrow was betwixted. With a wink and a pivot, she planted her caramel cheeks upon the big comfy chair, legs spread wide, knees bent. The wet spot on the seat cushion would be legend’d.
No sooner had she seated herself than an entourage of luscious vixens appeared, bearing gifts. They moved with the fluid grace of dancers, the wares they proffered akin to offerings from the gods. On silver platters were arrayed an array of sex toys – dildos, vibrators, G-spot stimulators, you name it. The pièce de résistance: a state-of-the-art squirt machine, fresh from the lab of Dr. PussyPounder, PhD.
One by one, the toys were run through their paces, each landing dense hits on the lady’s delicate bits. Daintly fingers persuaded clit. Barbed attachments titillated taint. Nubbed molded mastered mons. But still, nary a leak. Audience grew restless. Money started to talk. Paper bills floated down from the rafters, surely to Damascus.
Not ones to be stymied, the entrepreneurial girls looked at each other, eyebrows raised. It was time to bust out the big guns – quite literally. On rolled a huge yellow bulldozer, manned by a hulking gorgeous hunk of diesel-dyke. She revved the engine and revved the crowd. Gunning it down the runway, she slewed around the stage with panache, crowd parting like the Red Sea.
Parking right in front of the starlet, she hopped down and pounced on the chair, bones crunching. Gorgeous gaped, too stunned to even yelp. Grabbing her by the hair, the diesel-dyke mashed their mouths together, tongues intertwining. Strong hands grabbed her tits, tweaking nipples to thick stiff peaks. Teeth scraped skin in an urge-driven frenzy.
And then – it was upon us all! A geyser of girl-goo, shooting up like the Old Faithful, painting the room in thick rivulets of viscous lady-paint. It would’ve brought a tear to the eye of a hound dog, except it was far too watery. Audience members were drenched, yet cheered, as the flood continued, drowning doubts and drenching doubters. Minimal sop-wringing brung maximal results!
As the downpour finally subsided (the crowd parched and panting), the starlet collapsed into her chair, a puddle on breasts. The diesel-dyke stood tall, triumphant, a few stray globs of squirt clinging heroically to her stubble. Throwing back her head, she laughed and laughed, the thunderous sound thunderous and lavious. Vicious worked up a thirst. Fitting, then, that she jumped up on the bar and drank her fill, gulping down leftover lube like there was no tomorrow – today was quite enough, thanks.
And there you have it, dear readers – a blow-by-blow of the event that will surely be discussed for decades to come. The lady’s remarkably mighty muske had made its mark, painting a vivid portrait of sexual prowess that will surely inspire artists for generations yet unborn. Up yours, Jack Kerouac! This is one trail to follow, alright!
So if you’re ever in the neighborhood and looking for a show that will really splash you for your money, be sure to check out Absolutely the Greatest and Longest Squirt Ever. Unbelievable.. But I have a feeling it’s only the beginning of a beautiful, wet friendship.
