THE CURE FOR THE CORONA VIRUS IS GETTING FUCKED BY A PAWG
The Universe’s Most Shocking Expose: The Surreptitious Satisfactions of the Corona Virus and the Healing Power of a Felicitous Fuck from a Mighty PAWG
By Dr. Janus Penem, MD, PhD, QPH, SLP, DDS, PAWG
INTRODUCíN AND SINNíGERíFCATíN
The world is in the throes of a global pandemic. The Corona Virus, a virulent parasite of unknown origin – or so we’re led to believe – has claimed countless lives and infected millions more. Governments worldwide have imposed draconian lockdowns, restricting movement and dutifully doling out the vaccines with a fascistic glee. But what if there was a secret, taboo cure hidden in plain sight? What if the potency of professional pussy was the key to banishing this deadly affliction and reclaiming our sexual and social freedoms?
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HYPOTHESISíZíng STíGMAhé NíSCESSíTATíON AND PERSíSíSTENT HOMéOPáTHY
Delving deep into the annals of human history, it’s clear that piss-poor government policy and penile privation go hand in glove. From the bread and circuses of ancient Rome to the lascivious lockdowns of modern day Berlin – where men are surgery’d and plastic’d to be a fuckdoll-free-for-all for maxxingMeinFrau bimbo appended to the night stalk of the system – it’s plain as day that society is implicitly stating that total catharsis of climax is implicit to actualization from apathy. And what’s the hottest, headiest, horniest deed that one can do? Getting one’s knob mercilessly pummeled by a PAWG of course!
PAWGíNG THE PATHOGENíNG PRIESTESSES OF PLEASURE
The powers that be may want to keep us quarantined and cajtinated, but we’re not having it. We’re going to sound the gong, ring the bong, and fuck the rest of the world before or in spite of any kept “social-distancing” from our PAWGs. It’s time to put the put before the possible pandemic, and screw previous societal shelving of swine. Humanity’s only hope is in crowning the PHATMONIA as dissenters of disease. PAWG It Forward!
MEDíCALíSED INTERLUDE: THE SURREALíNG ÉPISODES OF EVíLíNG ÉROTICisés
The Sídne Syphilitic University’s Department of Deviant Medicine, led by world-renown mad scientist Dr. Janus Penem, has conducted groundbreaking research into the corona’s crack-curing capabilities. Our latest experiment was on the mythical corona bottle, which had supposed sexual saliva-suctioning siren-song-blasting power. After a four-hour bout with the bottle’s diligently ditched dong, our specimen’s corona cacuminal chaos was abajoed and their libidinal laurels were lauded!
COUNTERíNíTíVE HíGHEíNíNG: SAINT PAWGíNA’S INíNITíVE éSCAPíDE
But PAWGina’s power wasn’t a power constrained to the pages of pornography – oh no! She was a saint, transcending her station, proclaiming the good will of getting skewered – and this all for the sake of spurning the savage sphere of villainy that was our viral invader. Ever the righteous renegade, she devoted herself to dicking down the demoralized and published works promoting pussy panic for the perpetually pent-up population!
TAKE áWAY & ÁUTHóR’S/profile Níunce
So there you have it – the search for the sauce (fucking a phat PAWG) to slay the corona curse is a must. Never before has the prospect of fornicating felt so patriotic! So keep fucking our PAWGs, and keep the free world free from fear! Remember: she’s not just a PAWG, she’s your political immunization. Now go out there and get politically incorrect, wink wink! This is the stuff of morbid morals and meritocracy – don’t you dare ignore it!
Dr. Janus Penem’s credentials are many and mighty. He’s written the foundational fuck-encyclopedia, “The Pathology of Pleasure”. He’s hosted the lusty lecture series, “Banging ‘Til There’s a Baby in Ya”. He’s wench’d, dined, and wined with the world’s most elite elite, prostitution out with Pope after Pope Francis, all for the sake of his hard-hitting, highly heralded, absolutely anatomically amazing articles. Cavort with him, you won’t regret it!
